Thursday, January 21, 2010

The Legion is Growing...

During my break, I noticed that the Steel Legionnaires has grown.  To all those that have joined the mighty ranks, I bid you welcome.  All Steel Legionnaires, check your e-mail for a personal welcome message from yours truly.  If you have not joined, what the hell is wrong with you?  Go to the Steel Legionnaires section on the sidebar and click "follow," now.

Since my warriors have grown sufficiently, I have enough to begin the first stage of my plans for world domination.  My Steel Legionnaires, you shall become the world's mightiest softball team.

It may not seem like an ambitious plan, but, I assure you, it is only the beginning.  Of course, we must start out small, dominating the local leagues.  Eventually, we will work to regionwide, then statewide, then nationwide.  After that, we will invade the International Softball Federation and play in their ultimate tournament, conquering, nation by nation, the world of softball.  Eventually, we will come to the final defenders, either Australia or New Zealand, and decimate them to claim our rightful place as the Lords of Softball.

If any of my Steel Legionnaires are concerned because they aren't good at softball, rest assured.  I don't plan on conquering the softball world by "playing softball."

You see, one hour before every softball game we play, we shall seek out the opposing team and beat the crap out of them.  You can injure them, maim them, beat them into a coma, but killing will be frowned upon (it's just a game, people).  Then we'll show up at the softball field while the other team will be to busy nursing their wounds to make it.  We win by default.

It's a perfect plan.  I even convinced Abdominus, the Abdominal Snowman to be our "mascot."  Actually, he'll just be busting people's heads against his diamond hard abs.

All I need right now is a sponsor and I can sign us up.  Once we rule the softball world, doors will open up to us.  Kings, Queens, and Prime Ministers will not hesitate to do our bidding; sports endorsements will start pouring in; women will fall at our feet.  It will be glorious.

Play ball!

Kaiser out


  1. I call catcher! Maybe?

    Actually, I'll take short stop or right field. My knees can't handle the squatting and jumping anymore.

  2. Well, I hope your knees can handle repeatedly bashing someone's face in, because that's what they'll really be doing.

  3. Your plan to send numerous hotties to Tiger's house has the golf world reeling, so I was quite expecting the order to move in for the kill.

    Softball world? That's quite the curveball you've thrown at us Lord Kaiser!

  4. Nah, I was just sending Tiger a warning. If I really wanted to conquer golf, I'd send a robotic Chi Chi Rodriguez to set fire to Pebble Beach.

    Besides, golf is inherently boring.

  5. By following your blog, does that disqualify you for soft ball? If so, I'll be the team manager.

  6. Um, by following my blog, that makes you a Steel Legionnaire, which means you're on the team. So, no, that doesn't disqualify you.

    Don't worry, hon. You can use your destructive magic in the brawls from a distance. I wouldn't want anyone to damage that beautiful face of yours, because they'd be dead before I even kill them.

    Being killed by me is so brutal, that Death actually beats me to it, out of mercy.