Random Weirdness - Every Monday

This video has been removed for excessive amounts of suckiness.

Random Weirdness - Every Monday

At this moment, I am busy working on a few things for the Ablogcalypse.  First off, my Music of the Gods spot on the sidebar is undergoing changes.  No more will I be at the whim of YouTube to randomly pull videos from the keywords I put in, sometimes getting crappy ass videos that I didn't want.  Now, I'm changing to a playlist, thanks to a website I discovered recently called Grooveshark.  I'll have total control over what songs are available on the playlist, as it should be.

Also, I'm working extra hard on my next Metal Moment.  I plan on having that up either Tuesday or Wednesday.

Since I've been so busy, I haven't had much time to dig up a weird video.  So I'm just going the lazy route.  You guys can watch Olivia Munn look pretty at a GameStop.

Random Weirdness - Every Monday

This one comes from the Bob & Tom show.  This show band, called Here Come the Mummies, were on the show a few weeks ago and kicked ass everywhere.  This song is hilarious and dig that bitchin' funk music.

Random Weirdness - Every Monday

I didn't know that Jazzy Jeff could play like this.  He and Abdominus should have a drum-off.

Random Weirdness - Every Monday

Okay, these guys are going about this all wrong.  As any interdimensional traveler knows, you don't summon a hot woman from another dimension.  You go to another dimension and partake of the hot ladies there.  For one thing, you have a much greater selection to choose from.  You can mix and match sexual partners to your heart's content.

Second, if you're a loser in your own dimension, summoning a hot girl is not going to help unless she has amazing powers and she gives a damn about you.  Lisa from Weird Science (which is a great movie and a great TV show, as well) genuinely cared about Gary and Wyatt.  Good luck finding someone like that.  If you go to another dimension, no one knows how much you really suck, which makes this a perfect opportunity to reinvent yourself.  A nerd can totally go to any barbarian world and just tell everyone he's a sorcerer.  Whip out some techno-wizardry and the ignorant masses will throw gold, land, amd hot women at your feet.  A saavy individual could rule a world easily that way.  Hell, I've done it quite a few times.

Third, and trust me on this, you will get tired of these women.  Relationships based on nothing but tawdry, but extremely satisfying sex never last.  You'll start getting annoyed with the way she chews her food and she'll start complaining about how you "don't pull your own weight."  There's a saying I have to that extent: "Sleep around with the mortal women, but marry a goddess."  If you brought a hot woman to your dimension, only to find out that her feet smell like the ass of a bog when she takes her sabretooth tiger skin boots off, getting rid of her is going to suck.

Unless you have a way of sending her back to her own dimension, you're stuck with her.  And if you try to break it off with her, you better be ready for the violence.  Warrior women, hot cyborgs, sexy sorceresses, etc. get real pissed when you dump them.  They will wipe the floor with you.  If you travel to their dimension, however, and the women there aren't doing it for you anymore, you can just leave at any time.  This leaves you free to go to another dimension and peruse the ladyfolk there without any serious repercussions.  Just set it and forget it.

Despite these guys totally botching this up, this is an awesome video.  I especially like that hot cyborg.  I need to build me one of those and have her programmed to orgasm on command.

Random Weirdness - Two for the Price of One!

I like this commercial and I'm feeling really generous, so here you go.

I totally think you should let them do it. How many people can actually say that their chicken was destroyed by Dokken?

Random Japanese - あらゆる月曜日

Some Japanese guys find this bizarre sea creature washed upon the rocks.  What do they do with it?  Do they call a marine biologist to investigate?  Do they take the camera footage to report this find on the news?  Absolutely not!  They decide to fuck with it.  They poke, prod, and flip it on its "back."  Then, in a mature gesture of discovery in the name of science, they pour soda into its "mouth."  What happens afterward causes the men to become infected with a microorganism that will slowly mutate their bodies until they become mindless fish-like abominations.

The lesson here: Don't fuck with the Deep Ones!

Random Cryptness - Last Monday Before Halloween

This one might mess with you.

Okay, so Halloween III: Season of the Witch was a fucking stupid movie.  Basically, this novelty company, Silver Shamrock, decided to create these masks and insert a microchip in there that has a piece of Stonehenge (!) embedded in them.  The company would entice children to watch their commercial on Halloween night for "the big giveaway."  The kids would watch a flashing image of "the magic pumpkin."  The kids would die (I guess from epileptic seizures?) and snakes and bugs would come out of their heads and kill their parents.  The whole purpose: to have a massive, nationwide human sacrifice for some vague pagan ritual.

Re.  Tar.  Ded.  Who the hell goes through this much trouble just to use these deaths for some ritual?  How the fuck did they get a stone from Stonehenge?  It's not like they can just go up to Ireland and say, "I think we'll need to borrow one of the stones."  "What do you need it for?" Ireland asks.  "Well, we were going to put pieces of it in these masks and cause a massive death toll back in the States, just for shits and grins."  "Oh, okay," Ireland says, "just bring it back when you're done.  We kinda need it because it is an important landmark that ties us to our rich and mysterious heritage, but you can borrow it for a while."  Not the least, though, how the hell does a kid who's been dead less than a minute start spewing poisonous snakes and crickets?  Yes, crickets, because they're so deadly.  Watch out for that cricket.  It may chirp at you.

How fucking lame can you get?

Regardless of how stupid it is, this scene did creep the fuck out of me when I was a kid.  When they're dragging the hero away, you can actually see guys with little hammers chipping away at Stonehenge.


Since I still got a buttload of topics to post about, I'm gonna do a second post later today. Stay tuned.

Kaiser out

Random Weirdness - Every Monday

Imperial Stormtroopers vs. The Ultimate Warrior? Why didn't someone come up with this sooner?

Random Weirdness - Every Monday

Okay, so the unthinkable happened. Square Enix decided that they couldn't milk any more money doing remakes of the old Final Fantasy games and put the first one on the Virtual Console. While this is awesome, as it is a great NES RPG for cheap, all I can say is it's about damn time. Now get to work on bringing Dragon Warrior out. Anyway, in light of the FF release, I decided to post an oldie, but a goodie. Enjoy.

Random Weirdness - Every Monday

I have to wonder. Why are there no big breasted women in this commercial? You're advertising something called the "Tiddy Bear" and you're not going show any double D action? Lame.

Random Weirdness - Every Monday

My wife and I were going through FailBlog.org last night, which is kinda funny. I went back and checked out some of their videos and found a perfect WTF moment. Oh yes, I would love to have people laugh at me while they stare at my ass. Seriously, what the fuck?

Random Weirdness - Every Monday

Since I blogged about Contra last night. I figure I'd do a follow up with this video.

By the way, you know what WiiWare does for an encore after Contra ReBirth? They release more shovelware. This time, we get a stupid Texas Hold 'Em game, some weird puzzle game, and a game where you race around a supermarket to be the first to get all your items. Seriously. It's as if the people who make these games have no damn good ideas and they're just pulling shit out of their asses (Hey, I was watching Supermarket Sweep on the Game Show Network last night. Let's turn that into a video game.)

Anyway, here's the video.

Random Weirdness - Every Monday (Except This One)

In observance of labor day, I've decided to be completely lazy and post nothing up here today. Nope, nothing. Not a single, goddamn thing. If you don't like it, tough titties. Speaking of tough titties...

Random Weirdness - Every Monday

After a brief hiatus, I return with two videos, both of which are tied together in a couple of ways. Orson Welles was best known for his role in Citizen Kane, but he had some notoriety for voice over work as well. Of course, there was the infamous War of the Worlds incident that brought people into a panicked frenzy over an alien invasion, but Mr. Welles also did voice work for Findus Frozen Foods in the 1970s, which led to a moment where he walked out in exasperation at the directing he was getting from a stupid frozen foods commercial. This incident was lampooned in Animaniacs when they, almost word for word, replicated the recording, but with staple characters Pinky and the Brain, the latter voiced by Maurice LaMarche. This first video is the Animaniacs skit, which, to be honest, I didn't get when I was a kid. It was way over my head. Instead of the actual sound from the skit, someone overdubbed the original recording of Orson Welles from the incident to near perfection. So, in essence, this is The Brain "voiced" by Orson Welles. The second video is much shorter, but much sweeter. This one is from the show The Critic, starring John Lovitz. This has Orson Welles, also voiced by Maurice LaMarche, doing another frozen peas commercial. So, this time Orson Welles is being voiced by "The Brain." I can't help but giggle my ass off every time I see this. You just have to see what I mean.

Random Kaiserness - Back From the Con

So, like I said before, I went to Anime Iowa this weekend. Here's my con report status: ...meh. It was okay, but I just didn't have as much fun as I expected. I think the biggest letdown was the dealer room. While it was big and there were a lot of vendors there, there just wasn't very much I was excited about buying. I eventually did spend my money on things. I bought the complete Godannar box set. I picked up a couple of Rurouni Kenshin manga. I got a Gurren Lagann T-shirt, a big figure of Ultraman Mebius, plus the Highlander anime from Madhouse that I wanted to see and, of course, a Lupin III movie, The Fuma Conspiracy. But what I was really looking for was japanese DS games, particularly Jump Ultimate Stars. I think I only saw one DS game - just one. I was pretty disappointed about that, but, hey, there's always Play-Asia. I will say there were a lot of products with hot chicks on them, such as the über-pervy body pillow covers featuring the girls of Ikki Tousen in semi-naked, lesbionic positions, but dealers were charging over $100 for those. If I can have sex with my wife for free, why would I want to pay that much just to dry hump a pillow? Fuck, a decent hooker would cost less. Cosplay was disappointing, too. I didn't see much of anything that stood out, except for the Team Fortress 2 cosplay that my friends were doing. And no, not any hot girls in sexy cosplay (At least from what I saw). Even the panels I went to were more miss than hit. The one exception were the swordfighting demo and the japanese weapons panel that a local dojo from Iowa did. Those were awesome. From what I saw of the Anime Improv, it was a disaster. Hell, (Edit ->) the people who went to Karaoke weren't into it as much, which was a big letdownt for me, since I helped host it up until last year, as well as this year. I have to wonder. Am I just getting jaded after going to this convention for years, or is the magic really leaching out of this convention. I don't go to any other conventions (If GenCon Indy wasn't on the same weekend, I'd love to go to that), so I don't know if I'd feel this way at another convention. Regardless, I gotta post some weird video, and I have the perfect one. This was actually from Anime Iowa Karaoke 2007 (when my cousin-in-law and I ran the show). We did a Yatta! sing along. (If you don't know what Yatta! is, you can always YouTube it or I might put it in Random Japanese another week). Anyway, here's the video from that. I'm the one up front with the microphone, dancing and singing like a jackass.

Random Weirdness - Every Monday

So, GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra is out in theaters (I have yet to see it, but I kinda want to. I loved the cartoon series and most critics said it was better than Transformers 2). In honor of that, I bring you this nugget of ridiculousness from G4's Attack of the Show. Attack of the Show - Cobra Commander's Movie Pitch Next time, I'll review two Savage Worlds campaigns that were inspired by the GI Joe cartoon.

Random Weirdness - Every Monday

I'm kinda scraping the bottom of the barrel, right now. So here's something recycled from the Nostalgia Chick - footage of that retarded '80s coming of age and mystical power film, Teen Witch.

I swear, everyone in this neighborhood is just begging for an ass kicking.

Random Weirdness - Slightly Late Because My Internet is a Steaming Pile of Fuck

Ever since I bought The State on DVD, I've been on a kind of kick. Last time, we went to see them "do it." This time, it's monkey torture.

The State on DVD

If you ever watch the Random Weirdness videos I post up here, then you may have seen that some of them come from the same source - Fried Bumblebees, The Mailman Who Delivers Tacos, Louie at the Last Supper ("I wanna dip my balls in it"). All of these skits come from a comedy show known as The State. Now, unless you watched MTV in the '90s (and not just for Beavis and Butthead), you may not know who they are. Whereas Beavis and Butthead was pretty much stupid humor (it was fucking hilarious, though), The State was more off-kilter sketch comedy, similar to The Kids in the Hall (another '90s comedy group) or even Monty Python (if Monty Python were all in flannel and had licensed songs playing throughout the show). Actually, all three of these shows had a lot in common: Strange situations, bizarre twists that came from out of nowhere, and, of course, cross-dressing. If you can't remember the show, you may remember some of the people that came from it, because a lot of them went on to do other comedy shows, most notably, Reno 911. For years, fans of The State have been clamoring for a DVD release of the show, and they took their damn sweet time with it, but it's finally here. Today, they released the entire series of The State on DVD. Surprisingly, there weren't as many episodes to the show as I remember. Then again, MTV kept playing reruns of the show over and over again before releasing a new season. The series only has three discs worth of content (Edit: I'm sorry. Did I say three discs? I meant five), but the guys from The State made sure that they crammed those motherfuckers with extras, including skits never before seen on TV (and uncensored, I'd wager). So, if you fondly remember this Gen-X comedy show, you owe it to yourself to pick this up. For those who don't have it yet, how about we go watch the monkeys do it? By the way, I'll bring you the Kaiju tabletop gaming goodness I promised next time. Kaiser out