Changes are in the air, my friends. Slowly, but surely, the world is accommodating to my presence here by becoming a more metal Earth. One day, the planet will tremble, the continents will violently shift, earthquakes will tear the continents, volcanoes will bleed their magma to the surface, hurricanes and floods will raise sunken lands and drown others into the deeps. Many may die, but when the cataclysm dies down, the survivors will witness the birth of a new, Metal Earth.
You may ask, "Kaiser, how do you know these things?" I say look to the beasts of the Earth.
When a great change comes, it is the creatures of the animal kingdom that notice the signs first. Animals have been long known to have an intimate recognition of when a natural disaster will strike. Beasts by the thousands have fled from their habitats hours before earthquakes, tsunamis, and hurricanes arose in those same spots. Even domesticated animals, such as dogs, cats, and birds, have been known to exhibit erratic behavior before a disaster.
The evidence of the coming of my "Metal Earth" has already been captured on video. Animals all over the globe have exhibited signs of becoming "more metal." I present these exhibits of evidence for your perusal.
First, witness this bird as it discards its normal mating ritual for a dance that is more suitable in the mosh pits of Asgard:
Next, watch in awe as man's best friend utters the guttural sounds of the heaviest death metal.
This dog did not have the mental fortitude to withstand the psychic assault and lost the ability to properly bark.
This next video seems to be so unnerving, that people who posted it on YouTube refuse to allow it to be embedded for fear of it being seen by the "wrong" eyes. But they can't stop me from posting the link.
Even cats, who are known for the heightened psychic abilities they use to control their owners, are susceptible to speaking in brutal tongues; proof that even these sinister manipulators cannot withstand the power of metal.
Finally, behold the most metal beast on this Earth today. His possession was the first sign, and has remained a constant reminder, of the immanent Metal Age. People come from all over the world to visit the little village in Paraguay where he lives and listen to his prophecy of metal. To kill him is a crime punishable by the death of your entire bloodline. I speak, of course, of the one they call the "Death Metal Rooster."
As you see, all evidence points to the violent creation of the "Metal Earth" that I am working toward. Most people ignore the signs, saying that "someone dubbed a metal soundtrack over these videos," but I know better. Heed the prophecy, my Steel Legionnaires, and prepare thyselves. The change shall come and you shall be the heroes of a new era, spreading the word of my great might to the ignorant masses. Let them know that, now and forevermore, the Kaiser has come.
(If you're not a Steel Legionnaire, there's nothing I can do to save you. You're probably going to die in the chaos. But there's hope. Go over to the sidebar, look for My Steel Legionnaires, and click the "Follow" button. It's the only way you can be assured to survive the Earth changing violence.)