tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28551668136931017912011-10-07T16:25:08.094-05:00Do you like metal, RPGs, old school video games, and awesome stories about men struggling in exotic, savage, and brutal worlds filled to the brim with hot women? Good news. I invented all of those things. You're welcome.Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.comBlogger1851100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-40885676893711790362011-01-09T13:31:00.000-06:002011-01-09T13:31:49.909-06:00

I'm still keeping my distance from blogging, right now.  The reason is because I need to rethink my strategy, here.  For the past few years, I've tried my hand at many different segments for the blog - some were awesome, some sucked ass.  Then there are just those things that, while they're not so bad, they don't belong here.  Kaiser Crowbar's Ablogcalypse is a refuge of heavy metal, warriors,

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-13701022840063878452010-10-29T19:58:00.007-05:002010-10-30T14:35:54.723-05:00

Since time immemorial, kids have always gone to that one house that gave out crappy candy.  In the Roman Empire, when children dressed as Gladiators or their favorite Caesar for Halloween, no treat was as reviled as salted bark, which is exactly what it sounds like.  In ancient Ireland, if you gave out dried goat testes on Samhain, the kids would beat you on the head, throw you in a wicker man,

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-6351832871169586032010-10-28T15:21:00.006-05:002010-10-28T17:03:08.287-05:00

Halloween is more of a holiday for the kids.  If I came to someone's door asking for candy, they're gonna say, "Aren't you a bit old for Trick-or-Treating?"  Then, I proceed to crush their skulls in with a sledgehammer.  But don't worry, because there's plenty of fun for you adults.  Yes, you and your douchebag friends can be the life of your Halloween party dressed up as ginormous sluts who'll

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-39642424813984229212010-10-27T16:12:00.004-05:002010-10-27T21:15:49.049-05:00

I have heard that the city I live in has some of the best haunted houses in the country.  If that's the case, then the rest of the U.S. must have have to make do with such horrible attractions as "The Haunted Grocer" or "Tapeworm Manor," because the ones here are not that scary. However, I don't blame them for trying.  I've seen some of these haunted houses in detail - I've been to some, myself.

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-88005863788241285812010-10-26T09:46:00.004-05:002010-10-26T17:22:47.405-05:00

Why do some modern day Christians feel the need to ruin things for everyone else?  They take things that are, usually, pretty cool and corrupt them into useless tripe, such as Christian rock or monotheism.  It's not enough that Jesus already has two holidays (pretty big ones, I might add); they have to fuck with Halloween, too, because it's "evil," or some bullshit like that. If you don't know

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-71195906470916690402010-10-25T15:37:00.003-05:002010-10-25T15:43:38.946-05:00

Halloween is not your typical holiday.  It doesn't celebrate some historical event, like the liberation of a country from tyranny, or the birth/death of an important figure.  There is no pervading message of peace and goodwill or patriotism.  Halloween has its own ulterior motive: for people to go around, scaring the crap out of each other and themselves while eating shitloads of candy.  Dare I

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-82825785705662442122010-10-22T19:21:00.000-05:002010-10-22T19:21:16.040-05:00

Okay, so, last year, I did a Halloween special talking about some of the awesome things about Halloween and horror in general.  Crypt of Doom was so huge, I had no idea how I was going to follow that up the next year.  Well, it's October again.  Guess what?  I still can't think of anything awesome to talk about that I haven't already mentioned.  What's worse is that this October has been shaping

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-23403323750198753052010-10-15T17:52:00.003-05:002010-10-15T20:03:23.879-05:00

There used to be a time when anime was all about hard-ass motherfuckers, scantily-clad hot chicks, and gallons of blood.  Sadly, those days are gone, as anime sucks, right now, but we can still remember the good old days and watch bad guys explode with classic anime DVDs. One in particular from the 1990s comes to mind.  Though I haven't seen the entire series (or even close to half the series)

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-43061889181538941542010-10-14T14:40:00.002-05:002010-10-14T14:45:46.680-05:00

This is going to be a short one, because I really don't know very much about this next berserker, but there's a fucking awesome video at the end. If you were to take Cú Chulainn's riastradh, mix in heavy amounts of Conan and Celtic mythology, and put it in comic book form, you'd get 2000 AD's fantasy comic, Sláine.  Though Sláine Mac Roth is very popular in his native Great Britain, he's

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-59355645553116702812010-10-13T23:41:00.000-05:002010-10-13T23:41:02.847-05:00

We have seen tales of bloodthirsty berserkers laying waste to hordes of men, but we have yet to speak of what may be the greatest berserker hero of legend.  His story is one of the most epic and tragic in all of Ireland.  In battle, he was fierce.  Women all over Ireland wanted to be with him.  He was a man of honor as well as unbridled fury.  Today, the Shrine of the Battlemasters honors the

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-49895437139870731752010-10-12T18:18:00.005-05:002010-10-14T15:10:28.022-05:00

In the previous post, there was one attribute I, intentionally, neglected to mention about the berserkir.  Legends tell of some berserkers having the ability to shapeshift into the animal they were invoking.  Accounts have claimed that berserkers have appeared as massive bears, drenching their fur in the blood of their enemies.  The Ulfhednar were said to be able to transform into wolf-like

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-16463343824736747452010-10-12T03:24:00.008-05:002010-10-14T14:52:40.354-05:00

Before I begin, I would like to say that my computer is a fish-fucking piece of shit. Now, this is a subject that is very familiar to me.  Since the mighty Balauss, Demon Dragon of Hate, gifted me with his Heart of Molten Anger, I have rendered my enemies to puddles of blood and gore with my blind fury.  So, to honor those, like me, who kill first, kill more later, it's time to go berserk.

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-11336066595941338492010-10-08T15:43:00.000-05:002010-10-08T15:43:12.967-05:00

This Sunday, I have been invited to play in Kurt's Pathfinder game.  Yes, this is the same Kurt who bought me the Blind Guardian CD in Germany - I know, he's awesome.  He's even allowing me to play my old barbarian character. While I was upgrading my barbarian to 9th level, I wondered, "What is it that makes the barbarian class so awesome?"  It's the same thing that makes bloody-handed vikings

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-64073499262472585192010-10-06T14:27:00.004-05:002010-10-06T16:01:42.313-05:00

(Special thanks to Legionnaire Kurt Duncan for asking a store clerk at a music store in Germany, "What's the best German metal album to buy for my friend?" and to that unknown store clerk for being absolutely right.) 1984 was a significant year for power metal.  Bands such as Manowar, Brocas Helm, Cirith Ungol, Iced Earth, and Fates Warning already fused thrash and speed metal with melodic

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-76206958848184839222010-07-17T19:10:00.002-05:002010-07-17T19:21:46.145-05:00

Oh,Vlad III, what has the modern world wrought of your once great, blood drenched dynasty?  You defended your beloved Wallachia against the Ottoman Empire by using the most brutal, deadly, and psychologically disturbing methods.  Over the years, the legacy of your brutality has been diluted by shitty pop culture into sparkly, undead emo pretty-boy douchebags who have nothing better to do than

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-33312122344655155982010-07-09T22:27:00.000-05:002010-07-09T22:27:44.353-05:00

Ablogcalypsed... that's a terrible word.  Whatever... First off, I want to mention that tomorrow, July 10th, if you're reading this at a later time, would have been Ronnie James Dio's 68th birthday.  For those of you who, somehow, managed to have your head up your ass all year, Dio passed away on May 16 from stomach cancer.  If you want the whole story, click on the Ronnie James Dio tag below

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-59191125690852761652010-07-06T17:05:00.006-05:002010-07-11T18:56:58.110-05:00

Yeah, it's been a long time since I put anything of substance on this blog.  I cut out so much of the shit that didn't belong here that I wasn't left with enough stuff to write about on a regular basis.  So I went on hiatus... big deal! During the break, one of my friends gave me inspiration.  He told me about this one guy who was such a hardcore warrior that I had no choice but to laud him and

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-49917618415777048642010-06-14T21:59:00.000-05:002010-06-14T21:59:26.726-05:00

This is just a short, quick note.  Manowar is giving us a taste of the Dio tribute album they're compiling, "Magic - A Tribute to Ronnie James Dio," on their website.  Basically, it's just a few seconds of their cover of Heaven and Hell, but it's not bad.  The blurb also says that the album should be available for download soon, so I'm keeping my eyes open for it.

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-87519842848748274272010-06-03T15:00:00.017-05:002010-06-27T17:14:25.807-05:00

An excerpt from the Libris Metallum (Legionnaire Edition): No man is born unto greatness.  Though their soul burns with the sacred flame, it is held fast in the human body, a prison of unholy iron.  Every human is made corrupt, none are exempt.  It is only in the tribulations of the world, when the depraved descend upon the forsaken, that one may purge themselves of their failings. Even such a

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-58366057906186630812010-05-31T13:28:00.001-05:002010-06-01T13:41:34.287-05:00

Ronnie James Dio's memorial service was held yesterday.  Over 1200 people were at the Liberty Hall in Forest Lawn Memorial Park with hundreds more outside, watching the event on giant screens.  The event was hosted by Eddie Trunk, who, on top of being a famous rock radio deejay, is a host on VH1 Classic's That Metal Show (he was the one who hugged Dio during the black carpet interview at the

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-62010894505058962072010-05-23T13:25:00.003-05:002010-05-23T13:32:22.309-05:00

Here we are, at the destination of a long, despondent journey.  My wish is to honor Dio's life and music, but I can't help but express my sorrow.  I do not cry for him.  I know he is beyond all Earthly concern.  He travels the breadth of creation at the speed of thought.  He has ascended.  Instead, I cry for us, for life will not be the same without his magnificent presence in our world.  Every

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-35014674811242320962010-05-22T21:18:00.001-05:002010-05-23T00:31:48.670-05:00

Okay, let's get to know Dio through some of his interviews.  Many people have said Ronnie James Dio was a great guy to talk to.  He was honest, humble, laid back, and very welcoming.  Of course, I've said this all before, so let's take a look at Dio's rapport firsthand. First, here's a short summary of Dio's music carreer, up to his eponymous band, from the mouths of those involved, including

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-63596088834695570612010-05-22T03:56:00.005-05:002010-05-23T00:55:20.811-05:00

Okay, a lot of people have paid tribute to Ronnie James Dio.  There's a pretty good list of musicians who commemorated his passing.  The website of the local rock station here, KSHE 95, posted an article summarizing the comments made on various websites.  Even Ozzy, who never seemed to get along with Dio, posted something (though I'm not entirely sure how sincere the sentiment is).  Check out the

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-69607841185384225842010-05-21T13:58:00.006-05:002010-05-25T01:04:08.207-05:00

Before I get to the Sabbath/Heaven and Hell stuff, I wanted to get some video game things out of the way.  Believe it or not, there's a video game called Holy Diver.  It was made for the Famicom in Japan and was almost brought to the States for the NES.  It's kind of a cross between Castlevania and Mega Man.  You play some sort of sorcerer, fighting demons, guys with executioner's hoods... the

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-23492726060132815782010-05-20T12:59:00.002-05:002010-05-20T13:03:58.282-05:00

There have been a couple of announcements on RJD's Facebook.  First off, there will be a public memorial service for him on Sunday, May 30th in Los Angeles.  If any of you want to make it there, definitely check the Facebook link to find out more details on location, time, and hotel arrangements (some local hotels are giving discounts, but it's first come, first serve, so reserve now).  Second,

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-18968636448574869042010-05-19T12:42:00.000-05:002010-05-19T12:42:11.222-05:00

Ronnie James Dio has been in quite a few bands in his lifetime.  He started a group with other musicians from his hometown of Cortland, NY, called the Vegas Kings.  At first, he was just the bassist, but, eventually, he took up a singing role as well.  The band did undergo a few name changes: Ronnie and the Rumblers, Ronnie and the Redcaps, and finally Ronnie Dio and The Prophets.  When that band

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-43784048504336628942010-05-18T11:41:00.001-05:002010-05-18T15:46:00.684-05:00

Between the years of 1984-1985, musicians all over the world were reaching out to bring relief to the famine in Ethiopia.  Bob Geldof, who some people in the States may know from his role as Pink in Pink Floyd's movie, The Wall, formed Band Aid, uniting musicians from the UK and creating the way too depressing "Do They Know It's Christmas?"  Seeing the success of Band Aid, a couple of activists

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-34220786663416012012010-05-17T12:12:00.000-05:002010-05-17T12:12:36.479-05:00

Man, Ronnie James Dio's death still weighs heavy on me.  This has hit me harder than I can ever imagine.  While I felt my last post let me get out what I'm feeling right now, I don't find it enough to be a proper tribute to Dio's legacy. That's why I'm devoting every day, every goddamn, motherfucking day this week, to the life and music of Ronnie James Dio by finding videos of his songs,

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-76687058919962607412010-05-16T16:43:00.000-05:002010-05-16T16:43:37.111-05:00

The news I'm about to give you shook every fiber of my being to the core, especially since I expressed such high hopes yesterday.  The unthinkable has happened.  Ronnie James Dio passed away this morning. I first caught wind of this on his official Facebook page.  I couldn't believe it.  I didn't want to believe it.  But the update was written by his own wife.  How could I refute that? The

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-56987952803327683762010-05-15T18:35:00.003-05:002010-05-19T15:35:52.904-05:00

A lot has been going on with the Holy One that is Ronnie James Dio; some good, some bad.  If you haven't already heard, he was diagnosed with stomach cancer, but has been fighting, tooth and nail, to purge the offending aberration from his being.  From what I've read, the chemotherapy he's been undergoing seems to be very effective, but all the treatments have made it to where he cannot tour with

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-3743880548203160902010-05-13T13:11:00.000-05:002010-05-13T13:11:21.715-05:00

When all else fails, sheer tenacity will be the difference between victory and defeat.  After listening to some fellow hunters and some lengthy contemplation, I could see no other way to defeat the Barroth than to upgrade my switch axe.  My colleagues made other suggestions: using a hammer, outfitting myself with a bowgun, etc.  None of them were right for me.  It was the switch axe or nothing. 

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-79758216121656400952010-05-11T23:24:00.004-05:002010-05-26T12:16:38.566-05:00

Okay, so I'm kind of late catching up to the bandwagon (I didn't have cable for a long time until now), but If you're not watching Deadliest Warrior on Spike, either you have the same problem of not being able to watch it (which I can understand) or you have the even worse problem that you don't want to, which, in that case, you suck. Deadliest Warrior has got to be the most visceral, brutal,

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-68888505617552759192010-05-04T23:31:00.000-05:002010-05-04T23:31:11.714-05:00

I am slowly beginning to understand the wit and cunning necessary to battle a beast at least five times your size without the aid of my near limitless power.  Though I have already killed a good number of Great Jaggi, capturing one is a completely different story.  I swore that I would take one of them alive or they would die trying (which they did, numerous times).  First, you have to wound it

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-9848287633938938872010-04-22T01:53:00.001-05:002010-04-22T01:54:02.322-05:00

These new Old Spice commercials are just fucking nuts. You can't handle this much B. O. blocking power.

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-83726135193746833702010-04-20T14:16:00.003-05:002010-04-20T18:47:21.074-05:00

My journey began on the uncharted  island where Moga Village rested  There, the locals heartily welcomed me, unaware of my true greatness.  I kept my identity a secret, only going by my alter ego: Pantera.  I didn't want any special treatment and I am not using any of my superior demigod powers.  Only sinew and steel are my weapons.  Out here, the Kaiser doesn't exist.  I am reinventing myself.

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-10485803553774536822010-04-14T04:25:00.006-05:002010-04-14T14:53:53.217-05:00

It's time for another Metal Moment, motherfuckers. It seems that one of my last Metal Moments, Beauty and the Beast, is extremely popular with people who don't look at the rest of my blog.  Of course, it's not because they want an in depth look at the subgenre or a taste of the musical quality of these women of metal.  Hell no.  Almost all of them have been led here by one source: Google image

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-53586749331775485212010-04-09T12:32:00.002-05:002010-04-09T12:38:22.697-05:00

Okay, so I've been Ablogcalypse-ing for just over a year now.  After all this time, I never created a logo for the site.  I've wanted to for a while, now, but just never got to it.  While I do like the little blurb under the title, A) it doesn't really apply to me that much anymore (some of it is more the territory of Infinite Worlds) and B) it's really boring to look at. Well, I finally decided

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-27830627835142453792010-04-08T15:38:00.005-05:002010-04-12T14:17:41.755-05:00

Originally, I was going to do a follow-up on my Barbarian Video Game special, as I found some video game commercials that featured barbarians.  The more I looked, the more commercials I found, not just for video games, but for other products, as well. But let's start with the video games.  One of the games I forgot to mention in the video game special was the old-school NES RPG Swords & Serpents

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-27946670584041227812010-04-01T14:44:00.002-05:002010-04-01T14:47:59.476-05:00

These past few days, I've been undergoing a crisis.  For countless years, I've been traveling the multiverse, dominating every parallel Earth I come across.  So far, the tally is at 15, but I feel like I've been living a lie. You see, I only did this out of sheer frustration.  People wouldn't accept me for who I am, so I usurped power from them and made them fear me.  It was the only solace I

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-57137118894939179882010-03-24T14:18:00.011-05:002010-04-10T19:13:20.831-05:00

Changes are in the air, my friends.  Slowly, but surely, the world is accommodating to my presence here by becoming a more metal Earth.  One day, the planet will tremble, the continents will violently shift, earthquakes will tear the continents, volcanoes will bleed their magma to the surface, hurricanes and floods will raise sunken lands and drown others into the deeps.  Many may die, but when

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-74876113610667429142010-03-23T13:12:00.002-05:002010-03-23T13:23:06.758-05:00

Oh, man.  That was one great vacation.  The pleasuredomes are some of the best destinations for rest and relaxation.  We did so much on our vacation, I'm having a hard time remembering it all.  I was mistaken about the Mongolian Polo.  We actually played a variation of Buzkashi (which players have to drag a dead goat to the goal on horseback).  in this variation, we had to kill the "goat" before

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-32950134604083605112010-03-12T15:35:00.001-06:002010-03-23T13:24:12.088-05:00

Me Kaiser again.  Me start to miss winter.  Winter nice and cold.  Winter not here anymore.  Now it get warm.  Me no like it warm.  It rain a lot and get wet.  Me no like to get wet.  Me smell like dead yak when wet.  Me have to shave fur.  Me mean hair.  Kaiser no have fur like yeti.  Kaiser really hairy.  Me need to shave me hair before it get warmer and me smell like rotting dead yak. Me miss

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-85562242479954094512010-03-09T12:25:00.002-06:002010-03-23T13:24:34.880-05:00

Hello.  Me am Kaiser.  Me back.  Me am glad to be home.  Me Kaiser really am home.  Me am not Abdominus.  Me tell Abdominus no be on blog.  Abdominus no be on blog.  Abdominus am good yeti.  Me am Kaiser. Me had big welcome back party.  All sexy ladies come for good time with me Kaiser.  Me had many sexy ladies, but me give some to Abdominus.  Abdominus am good yeti.  Me tell one sexy ladies to

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-83108470248008447052010-01-28T14:12:00.000-06:002010-01-28T14:12:31.629-06:00

You know what?  I haven't given myself a proper vacation in years; you know, the ones where you go to one of those high class pleasuredomes; walking along the beach as you slaughter the aquatic monsters that come up with the tide; playing polo with Hun rules (it involves giant warhammers and a severed head); sleeping on a bed of naked, voluptuous women who are all too eager to fondle you, or your

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-75404765195088240792010-01-26T18:53:00.001-06:002010-01-26T18:56:31.938-06:00

Greetings, Steel Legionnaires. Most of you know me only as Kaiser Crowbar, a demigod who travels the multiverse, conquering every Earth I come across, in search of the power and wisdom to become the God of Metal. But how many of you know the real me? Personally, I'd say about half the people who follow me even know my real name and how much more there is to me than just what's on this blog.

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-70375507361606570882010-01-25T13:29:00.022-06:002010-10-24T13:02:11.427-05:00

In the realm of mortals, the four dimensions of space and time stretch into infinity so that no man may see its beginning or end. Boundless as they seem, there is more to existence than mere time and space. Such is the fifth dimension, a multiverse that contains every possible past, present, and future in existence. Every action is a choice and every choice, no matter where in the whole of

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-23935433922328048202010-01-25T00:06:00.001-06:002010-01-25T00:08:28.126-06:00

About four months ago, the guys at CROM! decided to post some letters from stupid people that were published in the old Marvel comic, Savage Sword of Conan, looking for anyone to come up with some funny responses.  I produced something that was almost godlike in hilarity.  Fast forward to the beginning of this month, when my good buddy, Cromsblood, asked if I could, once again, bring my

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-80139404904506101612010-01-22T15:15:00.000-06:002010-01-22T15:15:17.560-06:00

Okay, so part two of the Nostalgia Critic's review of the Conan movies is out. Here it is. Yeah, that's it.

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-65125010288359996402010-01-21T15:03:00.004-06:002010-01-22T00:07:11.471-06:00

During my break, I noticed that the Steel Legionnaires has grown.  To all those that have joined the mighty ranks, I bid you welcome.  All Steel Legionnaires, check your e-mail for a personal welcome message from yours truly.  If you have not joined, what the hell is wrong with you?  Go to the Steel Legionnaires section on the sidebar and click "follow," now. Since my warriors have grown

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-61859790015971384792010-01-20T12:51:00.001-06:002010-01-20T12:54:28.691-06:00

If you've never watched the Nostalgia Critic before, you may be missing out on some hilarity.  Basically, he looks at movies from the '80s and '90s and pokes fun at them. All this month, he's dedicated himself to Arnold Schwarzenegger movies.  Guess which movie he did this week? C'mon, guess? I've actually been anticipating this video.  In it, he does speak some blasphemies (he bashes on

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-62226018972387850492010-01-18T14:59:00.002-06:002010-01-19T00:31:59.699-06:00

Do you like beer?  If you do, then I have blog you should check out.  My cousin-in-law, James Patrick (or JP for short; I'm trying to steer away from calling him Patrick because he hates that name) is sort of our resident beer aficionado and started a blog called The Year of Beer (http://brewyear.blogspot.com/), where he explores the world of beers outside of your usual Budweiser, Miller, or

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-36707783395181293422010-01-17T13:57:00.004-06:002010-01-18T14:22:18.568-06:00

So, I spent a whole week looking over the video games I found in my search for the ultimate barbarian game.  The question is did I find it? While I do have my favorites, Rastan and Golden Axe II, I actually have to admit that, despite how great they are, neither are what I would call the ultimate barbarian game.  So, the answer is no. The question that must be asked, then, is what would I

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-86973069067947879822010-01-16T21:58:00.011-06:002010-05-04T01:01:00.480-05:00

Conan The quintessential barbarian has had a few outings on video game systems.  I haven't had the chance to play them all, but what I did play pretty much covers the spectrum from bad to good.  Let's do this chronologically. Conan (NES) The NES game, called Conan: The Mysteries of Time, is a steaming pile of shit.  Being an NES game, you can't expect much from the graphics or sound, but the

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-13601583013420574602010-01-15T11:27:00.012-06:002010-01-15T22:55:22.732-06:00

Here's a list of some of the other games I've tried during my search. Barbarian The name says it all, that is if the title of this game was "Poorly put together crapfest."  Then, at least, it would have a more original title.  This game was published by Titus, one of the most notoriously bad video game companies out there (fortunately, this was the last game they put out). I want to like this

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-50499052120024078362010-01-14T16:46:00.001-06:002010-01-14T16:48:22.504-06:00

Rastan In 1987, Taito created a classic arcade game heavily inspired by both Conan films, which they called Rastan Saga.  When the game made it Stateside, it was renamed Rastan and gave gamers one of their first tastes of sword & sorcery action. It was around this period in time when arcade games were looking significantly better, graphically, and Rastan was no exception.  The lush vistas of

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-40882374663310207012010-01-13T16:41:00.006-06:002010-05-04T01:36:32.224-05:00

Today, we delve further into the Golden Axe franchise.  If I'm not mistaken, I think Sonic the Hedgehog and Phantasy Star are the only Sega properties that had more games than the Golden Axe series. The success of the original arcade game spawned numerous sequels and offshoots.  Let's take a look at them. Golden Axe: The Revenge of Death Adder This is considered by some to be the "real" sequel

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-64113014417050304072010-01-12T19:08:00.005-06:002010-01-14T16:51:18.083-06:00

I spent my childhood playing side-scrolling beat 'em ups.  They run in my blood.  I own, at least, three different versions of Final Fight.  I've played some good ones and some really crappy ones, but none of them get as much enthusiasm from me as the Golden Axe games. I was one of those kids lucky enough to play both sides of the Nintendo/Sega console wars.  Mom got me the NES one Christm... I

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-38581106373006088462010-01-11T14:27:00.029-06:002010-03-23T01:35:58.967-05:00

Know, O Gamer, that between the years when the oceans drank Odyssey and the gleaming arcades, and the years of the rise of the sons of Atari, there was an age undreamed of, when shining consoles lay spread across the world like electronic mantles beneath the stars – NES, Commodore 64, Amiga, Super Nintendo with its 16-bit graphics and towers of spider haunted mystery (?), Playstation with its

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-62645684683024135142010-01-10T14:12:00.007-06:002010-04-14T15:15:50.491-05:00

Okay, so this isn't part one of the barbarian video game special.  Deal with it.  I just wanted to get one more metal moment before I talk about video games for a week or so without interruption. Anyway, I woke up this morning with one thought in my head, "I haven't listened to Sabaton in a while."  Sabaton is a Swedish power metal band whose songs focus on historical military conflicts.  That

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-57395611220044300402010-01-09T17:20:00.003-06:002010-01-09T21:31:18.027-06:00

First off, I just got my first taste of Dark Void when I played the demo for it last night.  People have had their doubts about this one.  Guess what?  Doubt is for the weak.  The demo was the finest pulp action in video game form.  Fly around in a jet-pack?  Check.  Hijack a flying saucer?  Check.  Get into firefights with death-defying stunts?  Check.  Punch an alien in the face?  Check.  Only

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-78351903795406686692010-01-07T19:51:00.001-06:002010-01-07T19:53:17.125-06:00

Nobody can make blockbuster movies like James Cameron - Nobody.  Bruckheimer's an amateur in comparison.  Michael Bay is a hack who can suck it.  Shyamalan is a one-trick pony on its way to the glue factory.  Ridley Scott?  Okay, I consider him an equal, but while Scott likes to bring in complexities, Cameron can take the simplest of stories and make it immensely compelling. Take his recent

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-90829684019106785942010-01-06T13:28:00.004-06:002010-01-06T13:34:09.853-06:00

"Red Nails" was Robert E. Howard's last Conan tale to be published by Weird Tales magazine after his death in1936.  It is considered by most as one of Howard's finest stories. Did you know that someone was turing "Red Nails" into an animated movie?  The answer to this question is most likely "yes," because they've been working on it since 2005 and it still isn't out yet.  Valeria is looking

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-38875728336179048832009-12-29T13:21:00.003-06:002009-12-30T00:44:11.512-06:00

While I am eagerly awaiting the release of Dark Void on the 360, I found out a little piece of info on the game.  Namely, it was originally supposed to be an NES game.  I discovered this when Capcom announced that they are releasing the original, unreleased game for the DSi. The game, renamed Dark Void Zero, is pretty much an 8-bit precursor to the current-gen version.  The game was originally

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-42542839309255129742009-12-29T01:02:00.017-06:002009-12-29T12:55:11.114-06:00

This monday marked another point in the hit-or-miss offerings on the Wii Shop Channel, but there is one game release that would definitely count as a "direct hit."  At last, the long anticipated Castlevania game for WiiWare hit consoles all over the US. Turns out, though, that it's actually a remake of a long forgotten chapter in the history of the Belmont family.  The new game is called

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-44690568048557691332009-12-27T11:50:00.005-06:002010-03-29T20:40:09.176-05:00

I may be in the minority, but I enjoy the Dynasty Warriors games, known in Japan as the Musou series.  Though most people find the games tedious, I enjoy the wholesale slaughter of thousands by my hand.  Now, Koei has brought their significant death toll simulator to an intellectual property that is perfect for it: Fist of the North Star The game, entitled Hokuto Musou, is seeing a Japanese

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-90474797995535846202009-12-24T22:31:00.007-06:002009-12-25T00:52:38.670-06:00

Now most holidays have iconic images.  Christmas has the nativity of Jesus and Santa Claus, Hanukkah has the Star of David and the Menorah, and Kaisernacht, well... ...Kaisernacht has Godzilla. Tonight, when the clock strikes 12:00 am, Godzilla will rise up from the waters and decimate all the despicable boys and girls (trust me when I say there's a lot of them).  He's kind of like Santa Claus

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-56628912827478519782009-12-23T12:57:00.002-06:002009-12-23T13:04:09.558-06:00

Okay, so it's been a while since I posted anything remotely about RPGs, much less Savage Worlds, but Triple Ace Games released a free full-length .pdf adventure for their Daring Tales of Adventure series that they "officially" ended a few months ago as a little present for all the fans. Thank you, Triple Ace Games.  Your Kaisernacht present is highly appreciated.  If you've never checked out the

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-13411162072159913962009-12-22T14:13:00.007-06:002010-05-14T01:47:46.429-05:00

Around this time of year, everyone celebrates some form of Chanuchristmakwanzaakkah.  Whether you light reindeer for seven nights, hang the menorah on the front door, or wait for Santa Claus to come, dressed in his finest dashiki and riding on his magic dreidel, you celebrate some holiday or another. Well I have my own holiday for this season, too.  I call it Kaisernacht.  Basically, families

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-19210164087937219962009-12-21T12:04:00.309-06:002010-05-14T01:45:08.963-05:00

There are many video games from the early 80s that stood the test of time.  With their simple, but addictive gameplay, games such as Galaga and Ms. Pac-Man are still considered classics by today's standards.  During those days, the graphics weren't as advanced as they are today and the only thing a gamer focused on was getting the high score.  In 1983, a new kind of arcade game changed not only

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-44556348218568548812009-12-17T12:05:00.002-06:002009-12-17T12:14:40.024-06:00

Right now, I would imagine a lot of Wii owners feel like they got the short end of the stick. I've read articles on the major video game websites (Destructoid, IGN) that have been showing some disappointment and disenchantment with what companies have been creating with Nintendo's recent technology. I will have to admit that there are a lot of Wii games that are nothing more than piles of shit,

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-27062871760129513602009-12-14T14:56:00.002-06:002010-07-18T14:28:06.048-05:00

Recently, I've come to the realization that Random Weirdness is starting to get tired and old real quick.  Part of the problem was that I felt I had to find something strange and, sometimes, funny.  The other part is that I made myself do this on a weekly basis.  Every Monday, I had to find something new.  Sometimes, there just isn't anything that everyone hasn't already seen which does not suck

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-61536991350252343712009-12-13T12:28:00.001-06:002009-12-13T19:37:14.604-06:00

So I was playing around with MapTools again this morning and I created a scene that developed into another hint on the secret project I'm working on.  At first, the only criteria I was going for was that it had to include a human sacrifice.  Everything else sprang from there.  Pretty much, it's a band of adventurers and barbarians interrupting this dark ritual in order to save a lovely maiden

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-75827183934069168952009-12-10T15:48:00.003-06:002009-12-11T23:21:55.741-06:00

Recently, I've been putting blogging on the back burner and have been focusing on other things.  I've been investing most of my time on a top secret RPG project.  While taking breaks from that, I've been playing around with an application I downloaded called MapTools.  I found out about this program from The Savage Blogger (which is a pretty good blog for Savage Worlds fans.  Check it out.) and

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-11359292800287199102009-12-07T14:22:00.003-06:002010-07-18T14:39:59.891-05:00

This video has been removed for excessive amounts of suckiness.

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-90200078399205307072009-12-04T13:14:00.003-06:002010-02-18T22:54:32.807-06:00

I grew up in a time where you could go just about anywhere and find, at least, a decent video arcade.  From the huge, neon gilded arcade halls that enticed the young with electric wonder, to the sequestered game rooms of bowling alleys, movie theaters, etc.  I remember a really good arcade at this truck stop in the country (we went there a lot because they had a decent buffet - my parents went

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-36785176679161737662009-12-01T22:19:00.010-06:002010-04-14T15:26:33.404-05:00

Thanks to Steel Legionnaire Akari Hoshi for the idea. In the metal scene, "Beauty and the Beast" refers to the musical aesthetic of a female vocalist singing in an angelic voice over metal backdrop and has become extremely popular in recent years.  The sound had its start in the late 90s with the goth metal scene.  Wanting to take some of the elements of death metal while taking out some of the

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-68600196822539239372009-11-30T15:19:00.002-06:002009-11-30T15:21:51.826-06:00

At this moment, I am busy working on a few things for the Ablogcalypse.  First off, my Music of the Gods spot on the sidebar is undergoing changes.  No more will I be at the whim of YouTube to randomly pull videos from the keywords I put in, sometimes getting crappy ass videos that I didn't want.  Now, I'm changing to a playlist, thanks to a website I discovered recently called Grooveshark.  I'll

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-35883862532800040832009-11-27T21:34:00.002-06:002009-11-27T21:41:36.449-06:00

I am extremely disappointed. Not once did I get a chance to beat the shit out of someone.  I was just waiting for some crazy lady or a middle class asshole to set me off so I could paint the aisles red.  Didn't happen.  I'm kinda bummed about it.  I was looking forward to having people running from the store, screaming for their lives while I was piledriving grandma.  Then I would laugh as fifty

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-21265561788698355012009-11-26T12:42:00.003-06:002009-11-26T12:46:48.711-06:00

Supposedly, this is a time for us to reflect on the things in our lives that we're grateful for, like family and friends, having a nice house, blah, blah, blah. I just want some damn food. But I guess there are some things that I do appreciate. First off, I am thankful for my beautiful wife. Not only is she the best, but she commands the four dimensions of the time/space continuum. Though

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-33024795091221959842009-11-23T14:45:00.001-06:002009-11-23T14:52:16.789-06:00

This one comes from the Bob & Tom show.  This show band, called Here Come the Mummies, were on the show a few weeks ago and kicked ass everywhere.  This song is hilarious and dig that bitchin' funk music.

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-88820328080007031612009-11-22T22:02:00.001-06:002009-11-22T22:02:48.749-06:00

For those of you who don't know, HeroClix is a collectible miniatures game that was released by WizKids (which arose out of the ashes of defunct RPG company FASA).  WizKids actually revolutionized miniatures gaming with Mage Knight by making the hobby cheaper, easier to collect, and more accessible to those who don't have thousands of dollars to blow on a miniature army (just ask anyone who plays

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-8298411018488119262009-11-21T17:38:00.001-06:002009-11-21T17:42:47.870-06:00

Is it even possible for BioWare to release a game that isn't genuinely awesome? I think not. Ever since Knights of the Old Republic, I have played BioWare's games.  To be honest, I didn't know how they would top Mass Effect, but they did.  Going back to the fantasy roots from their Baldur's Gate days, they release another shining example of quality gaming in Dragon Age: Origins. Of course,

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-49959232965881599332009-11-16T17:52:00.000-06:002009-11-16T17:52:03.067-06:00

I didn't know that Jazzy Jeff could play like this.  He and Abdominus should have a drum-off.

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-54135191854448330282009-11-13T14:28:00.004-06:002009-11-19T21:07:04.861-06:00

Back in the 1980s, toys used to kick ass.  We had all the coolest toys back then: He-Man, GI Joe, Transformers, Laser Tag...  In light of all those fond childhood memories, I'm starting a new segment that looks back at all the cool shit I used to play with and how superior they are to these crappy ass toys of today. Now, I've already talked about Voltron toys (and my severe lack of any of them)

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-43113887563895676992009-11-12T15:32:00.002-06:002009-11-12T16:59:21.128-06:00

I am eagerly awaiting the release on  Dark Void on the XBOX 360 next January.  My excitement for this game is manyfold. First off, it's an interesting take on pulp sci-fi.  This game seems to have everything:  lost worlds, alien oppressors, hair raising action, jetpacks (yes, you get to fly around with a JETPACK!), and even Nikola Tesla is on your side.  This seems to have a darker look than

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-90636397272756390722009-11-09T13:57:00.001-06:002009-11-09T14:04:30.835-06:00

Okay, these guys are going about this all wrong.  As any interdimensional traveler knows, you don't summon a hot woman from another dimension.  You go to another dimension and partake of the hot ladies there.  For one thing, you have a much greater selection to choose from.  You can mix and match sexual partners to your heart's content. Second, if you're a loser in your own dimension, summoning

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-68406692617941691872009-11-08T19:10:00.002-06:002009-11-09T01:30:03.903-06:00

I find it hard to believe, but this marks my 100th post on the Ablogcalypse.  I started this blog early this year and I've already gotten this far.  I'm pretty amazed at myself. But, my Steel Legionnaires and those who bear witness to my might, I have only begun.  This is only the tip of the iceberg.  The Ablogcalypse cannot be stopped!  There are many more things on the horizon and I have lofty

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-59772193840470760462009-11-06T16:15:00.003-06:002009-11-06T16:18:41.193-06:00

When I ride my fire breathing metal six legged horse into battle, I listen to Manowar. When I bury my battle axe deep into the skull of a demon to save the captive beautiful maidens who were to be his blood sacrifice, I listen to Manowar. When I survey the massacre before me as plumes of blood mist spray from my dying enemies into the stormy sky, I listen to Manowar. When I'm bowling with the

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-1339798334033429222009-11-02T16:29:00.002-06:002009-11-02T16:31:24.754-06:00

I like this commercial and I'm feeling really generous, so here you go. I totally think you should let them do it. How many people can actually say that their chicken was destroyed by Dokken?

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-47775325727785912002009-11-02T13:26:00.003-06:002009-11-02T13:36:50.093-06:00

Some Japanese guys find this bizarre sea creature washed upon the rocks.  What do they do with it?  Do they call a marine biologist to investigate?  Do they take the camera footage to report this find on the news?  Absolutely not!  They decide to fuck with it.  They poke, prod, and flip it on its "back."  Then, in a mature gesture of discovery in the name of science, they pour soda into its "

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-61009391470619112982009-11-02T12:45:00.000-06:002009-11-02T12:45:00.252-06:00

When I wrote my Alone in the Dark post on Oct. 30, IGN did an in-depth and lengthy piece on the history of horror games and the lifespan of the survival horror genre.  I wish I saw this article before I wrote that post, because it puts my research to shame.  This is one of the reasons why I like IGN.  They sometimes write some real meaty articles, especially about the history of video games.  If

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-85904821841333092692009-11-01T21:15:00.005-06:002009-11-01T21:41:29.070-06:00

Well, that's another Halloween behind us.  I hope you guys enjoyed yours.  I had a costume party over at my house and it was the soiree to end all soirees.  If you didn't get an invite, fear not.  I got pictures of the event.  Before I show you them, I want you guys to see some interesting Halloween decor. I found this bust at Michaels while my surrogate sister, Jen, was looking for something

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-82620135408898214442009-10-31T16:36:00.005-05:002009-10-31T16:51:45.971-05:00

Yes, folks, it's magic time. Halloween is upon us and I saved the best for last. I have one more board game for all of you and I recommend, nay, demand under pain of death that you check out this game. I don't remember when I first caught wind of this game. It was, most likely, when I was still working at a comic and game shop many years ago. In fact, I think that's right, because it came

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-36663015188208501012009-10-30T16:41:00.001-05:002009-10-30T17:06:56.117-05:00

The survival horror genre has been a staple of mainstream video games for over a decade.  Most of us remember playing Resident Evil for the first time and actually being creeped out by a video game.  I remember playing it with tense apprehension, waiting for something to jump out at me so I could put a few shotgun shells in it before I wigged out too much.  The fear factor wore off after the

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-7067251253321025072009-10-29T16:44:00.005-05:002009-10-29T20:22:45.434-05:00

Halloween has only been a recent phenomenon in Japan, but has quickly become very popular.  Despite this, Japan has a longstanding penchant for horror.  Most of their horror stories center around ghosts and spirits, as is evidenced by such popular movies as Ringu and Ju-on and video games such as the Fatal Frame series (which are some of the scariest games I've ever played).  In the late 80s and

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-42539449573188360902009-10-28T17:17:00.002-05:002009-10-28T17:22:07.071-05:00

The early 80s was the prime time for horror.  In books, authors such as Stephen King and Clive Barker were constantly producing bestsellers.  In the movies, Wes Craven dominated theaters as well as my favorite horror director, John Carpenter.  Carpenter is most famously known for starting the "slasher" film craze with his horror masterpiece, Halloween.  His career as a director has not been

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-31375876133848550952009-10-27T19:51:00.002-05:002009-10-27T20:06:10.542-05:00

There have been horror rockers in the past, Alice Cooper certainly comes to mind as one of the first, but none have been as entertaining as Lordi.  Their story is a bit of a strange one.  Inspired by KISS, the band was formed to play horror themed hard rock while wearing grotesque costumes.  They actually entered the Eurovision Song Contest in 2006 and won, which was interesting for a group such

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-81202848277795666802009-10-26T19:30:00.001-05:002010-03-27T01:34:39.725-05:00

 When playing a good horror board game or RPG (I have only mentioned a few that are available, and I'm saving the best for last), having a haunting soundtrack in the background does a lot to set up the mood.  I like using music when I run RPGs.  I did it a lot when I ran Mage: The Ascension, and I planned on implementing it in a Rippers campaign I was starting (It fell to the wayside after two

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-79454952268865890062009-10-26T14:02:00.002-05:002009-10-27T00:37:29.553-05:00

This one might mess with you. Okay, so Halloween III: Season of the Witch was a fucking stupid movie.  Basically, this novelty company, Silver Shamrock, decided to create these masks and insert a microchip in there that has a piece of Stonehenge (!) embedded in them.  The company would entice children to watch their commercial on Halloween night for "the big giveaway."  The kids would watch a

Kaiser Crowbarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10849457946050759967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2855166813693101791.post-10851680864851191302009-10-25T18:41:00.003-05:002009-10-25T22:30:01.550-05:00

Last time, I went a little bit into vampire hunting in video games with Castlevania: Symphony of the Night.  I always thought that victorian style monster hunting would be an awesome idea for an RPG.  Well, Pinnacle Entertainment, the guys who created Savage Worlds, have the answer to that with Rippers.  Try to imagine the movie Van Helsing, except that it didn't horribly suck, and you have a

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